Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 19

19. Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal Oh Day Dwellers Doth Betray Me?My heart has been torn as low, and I am faced with the revelation that my most awesome-haired mad scientist of passion whitethorn in fact be an unca hedge assbag who has sullied my innocence and what non and then cruelly cast me aside. So, that sucks.Kayso, wish it says in the Bible, with great power, comes great responsibility, which I entirely learned by pushing my vamp abilities too far in act to show off for Foo by diving through our boarded-up windows. So I was doh, and I passed expose-real passed discover, comparable luff-injury passed out, not vampyre passed out. But in my unconsciousness, Foo and Jared gave me lacerate, and I healed, so when I woke up in the bedroom, I came leaping out into the living area, my claws launch to r cobblers last flesh and kick ass.And I was in wholly, RawrAnd who do I see t here(predicate) only if the vampyre Flood, my most recently escaped master gone mad, who ha s neer level off seen me in this outfit, let alone as a vamp.So I was all, Rawr hoping my fangs were showing.And he was all, Hi, Abby.And I was all, Rawr Fear meAnd he was all, Thats not a involvement. grammatical construction rawr is not a vampyre thing.And Im like, It is too. Im wholly showing my animal power and fierceness.And hes like, No, youre not, youre bonny precept rawr in a big voice. Its not a thing.It could be a thing, I go, in my defense.And Jared is like, I dont think its a thing, Abs.And Im like, Well then how nearly I drain you until youre dust and put you in the cat box, Jared? Is that a vampyre thing?And he was all, Kay. Im sorry. Rawr is broad(a)ly a thing.So I estimateed at Flood with pity, having humiliated him on the field of battle. But it is in the gentler monster that piece is revealed, so Im like, Its a thing for some of us. So, check it, Im nossssss-feratu. Like you, only, you enjoy, not fashion retarded. Speaking of, why do you project like t he window at Banana Re normal? Flood was always sort of jeans and flannel before, like he was caught in some 90s grunge vortex, but now he was like linen and tan leather.And Floods like, I was running round the streets naked until a few hours ago.And I was like, Kay. My bad.So hes all, Abby, we need to go. I need to find Jody and I need your help.And then Foo, who has been doing science wedge in the kitchen, comes over and hes like, Abby, I dismiss switch you back. I drop switch you both back. I already puddle Tommys serum made from before.And Im like, You are trs cute when youre threatened. And I jump over there and kiss him deeply-like I can hear a yoke of his vertebrae crack. But then I go to slap him, so he wont think Im a slut, and Tommy catches my hand.And hes all, Abby, you have to stop doing that. You could kill him.Im like, Really?Hes all nodding. And Foos all mouthing thank you to him, like I dont have vampyre hearing and dont know that hes being a total little bitch about it. So I, like, turn on Foo and go, Rawr.I dont care what Tommy says, Foo trembled in fear.And Tommys like, Lets go, Abby. Like Foo hasnt verbalise a word.And I grab my Pirate Bunny messenger bag and start to pack in my laptop and charger, and Flood is all, Leave that here.And Im like, How will I express my angst and dark inspirations and whatnot?And Flood is like, I thought wed go suck the split out of some pack.And I was like, Kay, but Im still taking my laptop. I have to do my blog. I have subscribers. I do. Well, a subscriber.And hes like, If we have to go to mist youll lose it.And Im like, You dont know how to do that.And hes all, I do now.And Im all, Teach me. I didnt go to ancient evil vampyre school like you.And hes like, Im nineteen, mean? I went to public school. In Indiana.And Foos like, Youre only nineteen? Youre not even old enough to drink?And Jared is like, Shut up. Hes her dark lord. Our dark lord.And Foos like, Fine. Go. Be careful. Text me. Ill be here trying to save the world.And Tommys all, Im just going to try to save the woman I love, and thats as good as the world to me.And I was like-nothing. I just looked at Tommy. But I would have done him on a bed of carpet tacks pay then.So outside the love lair, which is technically not mine and Foos anymore, now that the rightful owners are not imprisoned in bronze, I go, So, where do we start?And Flood is all, We start by finding a safe place to sleep during the day.And Im all, The love lair. Foo and Jared will be our minions and whatnot.And hes like, The last time I went out there I woke up inside a statue, and the last time you were up there your love ninja gave you blood with a sedative.And Im all, No.And hes all, Yeah.And Im all, Foo, you crapacious little geek Can I go slap him around a little?And Flood is all, He was going to change you back. To save you.And I go, Without even asking? I think not, noble vamptard. As concisely as we find the Countess Im coming back. there will be screaming.And Floods like, You dont have any confrontation issues, do you?And Im all, No, Im very insecure, actually, but I have constitute that if you roll up screaming like a madwoman, hair on fire, guns blazing, no one is going to mention the zit on your forehead. Which is totally true.Okey dokey, goes the vampyre Flood. Well look for someplace low or high. Low is probably safest, we can look for maintenance closets in the BART tunnels, but that keeps us out of the north end of the City, because theres no subway there. High, harder to find a place, but it gives us more choice, and its less obvious, if Rivera and Cavuto are looking for us. There are a attractor of usefulness sheds and meter shelters on capitals.So Im like, Are we going to sleep to spoilher?And Floods like, No, but well be cold in the uniform space.And I was thinking, How romantic, but I go, Lets recrudesce high.And Tommys all, I think thats a good idea. Jody standd in the north end of the City and so d id I. It makes sense thats where shed go. We need to get into the upper floors of a tall building and look down on other roofs, look for a shed or something. Climbing up wont be a problem. You can tell if theres volume in it by looking for heat. You know you can see heat now, right?And Im like, I was figuring that it was that or that every incandescent lamp was leaking into the sky. But how do you know all this other stuff?And Tommys like, I have no idea.And I was like, If we find a roof shack with a pigeon coop by it well have snacks when we wake up. I know, perky. I must resist the perky. Must resist the perky.So, like, an hour later weve found our sweet roof grave on a building in the financial district, and Flood and I are walking up Powell lane, toward California and the Fairmont, where the Countess was last seen. And we are totally alive with the night. Theres like two cities in the City. I didnt see it before. Theres like the indoor city, the daytime city, with people insi de of apartments and restaurants and offices, and they have, like, no copeing clue about the outside city. And theres the outside city people, who are in the streets all the time, and who know every hiding place, and every tree, and where its dangerous, and where its just creepy. The outside city people live on, like, a different plane of existence, like they dont even see the inside people either. But when youre a vampyre, the two cities are all lit up. You can hear the people talking and ingest and watching TV in their houses, and you can see and feel the people in the streets, behind the garbage cans, under the stairs. All these auras show, sometimes right through walls. Like life, glowing. Some bright pink, like Foos, some sort of brown, or gray, like on the AIDS warhorse panhandling at the corner of Powell and Post. And Im totally losing my ability to appear bored, because its fucking awesome. Im trying to be chill for Flood, but I want to know.So Im like, Whats with the pin k ring around people?And hes like, Its their life force. You can tell how healthy they are by it. Youll be able to smell if theyre dying, too, but you wont know that right away.I know, whoa. So Im like, Whoa.And hes all, You see it for a reason.And Im like, Splain, sil vous plat.And hes all, Because youre only supposed to take the sick, the dying. Its part of our predator nature. I didnt know that before I-I was lost, but I know it now.I know, whoa. So Im like, Okay, how do you turn to mist?And hes like, Its mental. Completely. You cant think about it, you just have to be.And Im like, Youre fucking with me, arent you?And hes all, No, if you think, it doesnt work. You have to just be. Words get in the way. I think thats why the cats do it instinctively. Thats the key. Instinct. I dont function well on instinct. Im a word jackass.And Im all, Im a word guy, too, like a total dwee-bosaurus. I know. How is it that I, acting Mistress of the Greater Bay Area darkness, can be reduced to sp ewing nano-brained beauty-queen operateog when I should be enjoying the heady power of my vamp immortality? Simple, I am a romance slut, and theres nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, Im all, Oh, please excuse me, pleasing, sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way. I was clearly born in the misemploy time. I should have been born in Wuthering Heights times. Although if I was Cathy, I would have hunted down that Heathcliff guy and beat him with a riding make like a sado-hooker with his Black Card on file. Just sayin.So theres nothing at the Fairmont. We talk to the bellman and the guy at the concierge desk, who talks to the front-desk guy who says that hes not at liberty to talk about guests, when I whip a hundred-dollar bill on him and he says the redhead never showed up once more after the day the cops came around asking for her. He said the co ps took a cooler from her room.And Tommys like, She just vanished.And Im all, Do you want to get coffee? I have a bag of blood and ten thousand dollars in my messenger. The nosferatu can totally drink lattes as long as they put some blood in it, unless theyre lactose intolerant.And he stops and looks at me. Hes like, Really, ten thousand? Think that will be enough?And Im like, Well, youll have to drink the cheap stuff, but I like to drink my lattes directly out of the veins of a toddler, and those little fuckers arent cheap.And hes like, Okay, you just completely creeped me out.So Im all, You suck at this. Lets go get coffee and do some vamp stuff, like beat up some pimps and whatnot.Since when is beating up pimps a vampyre thing?Since I was looking for the Countess and they kept trying to recruit me because Im am so awesome sexy that desperate losers will totally pay to do me, which is flattering and whatnot, but I still kind of feel like they would have taken advantage of me beca use of my youth and naivety.So you want to go beat them up.I want to try that kung-fu thing where you tear their heart out and show it to them plot of land its still beating. Trs macabre, non? Plus, Ill bet the look of surprise on their faces will be worth it. Did you do that when you were out slaughtering people with Chet?I dont remember any of that. I dont remember slaughtering people.Thats why the pimps were trying to recruit me. You and Chet ate all their hos.You make it sound so sordid.Okay, you make eating hos sound pretty. Talk poetry to me, writer boy.And he looks all heartbroken and whatnot. And hes like, Thats what Jody calls me.And Im like, Sorry. Where do you want to look for her now?I dont know. What time is it?And I look at the watch that the Countess gave me, and Im all, A little after one, in my I am total poop on a stick voice. Polk Street.And Im all, Why Polk Street?Hes like, Because Im out of ideas and we need to resort to whoremaster.And Im like, Sweet Lets ro ck the dark magic I was tempted to do a booty dance of total dark magic celebration, but I thought it might reveal my secret.Kayso, we roll into this coffee shop on Polk Street, and its all full of hippies and hipsters and couples on dates and drunks alter up and whatnot. And everyone turns and looks at us. Im about to chuck a spaz, because I realize that I havent fixed my makeup since I bounced my face off the plywood in the love lair.So Im all, Tommy, psssssst, do I look like a cannibal corpse on crack?And he stops and looks at me for a second, and hes like, No more than usual.And Im all, Do I have raccoon inwardnesss?And hes like, Youve kind of taken your broken clown look to the next level, with the crusted blood around your mouth. You look cute.Flood can be very sweet for a doofus from Indiana. I felt like I had made the right decision to choose him to be my Dark Lord, even if he was only nineteen instead of five hundred.So I feel like I should say something nice back, so Im like, Youre not as pathetic in those clothes. indeed I realize that didnt sound as nice as I liked, so Im all, I want a triple soy latte with type O in it while were waiting for magic and whatnot.And Flood is all, Shes here.I know. Im like, Whaaaa?Kayso, Flood sends me for coffees and says hell meet me at a table in the back, so when I show up, hes sitting with this ginormously fat gay guy, corrosion a regal silk wizard robe with silver stars and moons on it, and his head is shaved and theres a pentagram tattooed on it, just like I drew on Ronnies head with a Magic Marker. I know And he has a crystal ball on his table on a stand made out of dragons, and a sign that says MADAME NATASHA, FORTUNES TOLD $5.00, ALL PROCEEDS GO TO AIDS RESEARCH.And so I come up and Flood is all, Madame Natasha, this is my minion, Abby Normal.And Im all, Enchant, in, like, perfect fucking French. Most vanish eye-liner, Madame. He had like spider fake lashes and glitter liner out to his ears.And Madame Natasha is all, Oh, sweet of you to say, child. Your ensem is trs chic as well. But you should have a detonator, little thing like you could freeze in the fog.And Im all ready to throw down anti-mom youre-not-the-boss-of-me-talk on him, then Im kinda okay with it. Like maybe I would get along with the Motherbot better if she were a ginormous gay guy.And I sit down next to Madame Natasha, because Flood is, like, in the client seat, and Floods all, Madame Natasha told my fortune when I first came to town, and said that I would meet a girl, but the death card kept coming up, so she couldnt figure it out. Then he turns to Madame and is like, You were right on the money, I ended up meeting a dead girl.And Madames all, Oh my, and she pulls this little fan out of one of her chins and starts fanning herself.Kayso, I pull out the bag of blood and get a little into my coffee, then into Floods, and hes all, Abby, put that away.And Im all, Why?And hes all nodding toward people, who are totall y not looking at us now, but like really reading or texting hard. And hes like, Theyll panic.And Im like, Oh bitch, please. They all saw my eye makeup, they saw how Im dressed, they saw my dark and mysteriously colored hair, and they think Im just trying to freak them out by pretending to pour blood in my coffee. So they are all furiously not freaking out so as to not give me the satisfaction because then they wouldnt be sophisticated City peeps. This is not my first funeral, Red State.Oh, I like her, goes the Madame. Shes got spunk.And Flood is like, Okey dokey.And Im like, If you keep saying okey dokey I will be forced to replace you as my Dark Lord.And Madame is all, It does sound a little corn-fed, love.And Tommy is all, Never mind how I talk. You remember, right, Madame? You remember me?And the Madame is all Oh, yes, yes, I do now. You were the one who had achieved Olympic levels in masturbation, werent you?And Flood was all, Uh, no, that part was someone else, uh-So, like, th e master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, Oh chill, its a stress thing, everyone does it. Im flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension back a little. Yes. Yes. Yes Oh-zombie-jeebus-fuck-me-Simba-lion-king-hakuna-matata Yes So I spaz-gasmed a little and kind of slid down in my seat breathing hard. Then I like look up at the Madame with one eye and Im like, Theyre freaking out now, arent they?And she just kind of nodded with big eyes and whatnot. So, you know, embarrassment for my Dark Lord totally diverted. But this one crusty day dweller is all looking up from his Wall Street Journal at me with a disgusted face, so Im all, Rawr.And Flood looks at me.And Im like, Shut up, its a thing. He shouldnt even be allowed out at night, using my dark without permission. So I rawred Wall Street again for eavesdropping.So we sort of drank our coffee for a while and Madame looked at her cards and then, like, looked up seemed disappointed that we wer e still there, but Flood was on it.Hes all, The woman you told me I would meet, I met her. We live together.And the Madame holds up her hand, which means, shut the fuck up in fortune-teller language. And she looks at her cards some more. Then she looks at her tip jar.Then Flood looks at me and like does the tip jar nod. So I pull a hundred out of my messenger bag and drop it in the jar.And Floods like, AbbyAnd Im like, Hello, woman you love? You want to bargain hunt?And hes all, Kay.So Madame Natasha puts down a few more cards, and goes, A redhead.And were all, Yeah.And shes all, Shes hurt, but shes not alone.And were all, Uh-huh.And she lays out about six more cards, and she goes, That cant be right.And Flood is like, If youre getting the dead thing again, thats okay, weve worked through that.And Madame is like, No, its not that. And she shuffles the cards, not cool, like a dealer, but gentle, and every which way on the table, like shes really trying to confuse the cards.Then she l ays them out again. And her eyes are getting bigger as she goes-each card, bigger eyes-until she lays down the last in her pattern and shes all, Oh my.And were all, What? What?And shes, This has never happened, in thirty days of consulting the cards.And were, What? What?And shes, Look.There were fourteen cards on the table. All kinds of pictures and numbers. And Im like, ready to go, Splain, please. But then I see what shes big eyes about. They are all the same suit. So Im, Theyre all swords.And shes like, Yes. Im not sure how to even interpret this.And Im all, Shes hurt, shes not alone, and all the cards came up swords?And shes, Yes, dear, thats what I just said, but I dont know what it means.And Im, I do. Can you do them again? And I slap another hundred in her jar.And shes, Kay.Then she lays them all out again, and this time theres a lot of swords, but also other cards. And Im, Well?And shes all, In this configuration, the swords signify north, but also, the air, a sailing ship perhaps. It doesnt make sense.And were like, What? What?And shes like, A sunken ship?And Im like, It makes total sense.And Flood is like, It does?And Im like, Stay right there, Madame. We may be back.And Flood is like, What? What?And Im all, I forgot to tell you about the little guy with the sword.And hes like, You really adjust to this magical stuff fast, Abby.And Im like, Are you trying to say Im perky? Because Im not. Im complex.I am. Shut up, I am.Hes looking at me right now, like we should be going. Even though I am typing at awesome speed. Okay, thats it, dude, youre harshing the depth out of my literature. Im coming. What a whiner. Gotta go. Were going to run out of dark. Byez.THE OLD ONES Makeda put on the glass overes and watched the bricks at the corner of the building light up. Theyd find the cats by behavior, because even vampire cats are cats, and they marked their territory. Elijah had told them where it had started and where it was likely to move. The special sunglas ses, combined with their vampire vision, allowed them to see the morning star expelled in the cats urine as glowing. They could even see a half-life, of sorts. Something marked days ago would glow much dimmer than something marked only a few hours ago.That way, said Makeda.Rolf cocked his head toward the boarded-up loft apartment on the second floor. Thats the loft where Elijah said he turned the first cat. There are people up there. Sounds like two.Thats also where he was fried by a jacket covered with sun lights, said Makeda. I say we clean up the cats first, theyre less tricky.Rolf nodded to Makeda, who bolted down the alley without another word. They go overed the trail, a mark here and there, many blocks until they reached the Mission, where the trail started to sunburst out.I dont know which way to go, said Bella. We need to get a vantage point.Rolf looked around and spotted the tallest building in the area. How about that one, the one that looks like a robot pterodactyl is perched on it? He pointed to the black glass Federal Building.Makeda said, Its an abomination.Said the abomination, snarked Rolf. Ill go. I have to go up solid, I need the glasses. He shrugged off his overcoat and dropped his weapons on top of it.Well go to mist if you lose your grip, said Makeda. Ill catch your glasses. If you fall off of that thing solid well have to scrape you into a bag to get you back to the ship.He grinned, showing his fangs, then started a steady climb up the sheer corner of the building.Bella pulled a pack of cigarettes from her jacket, shook one out, lit it, then blew a long stream of smoke up after Rolf. What if Elijah lied about turning more humans? Hes lied before.When theyd retrieved the old vampire from the City initially hed brought along a blond vampire woman, claiming she was the only one. She hadnt survived the first month at sea. Weak vessels, they called her type.He didnt admit turning the cat, either, until we found the news stories on the Inter net.We need to talk to him again when we get back to the ship, if theres time.Rolf thumped to the pavement beside them. That way. About six blocks. Theres a sunburst pattern thats centered there and spreads out ten blocks or so in every direction. I could actually see a hundred or so cats on a roof there.Lets go, then, said Makeda.Thats not all, said Rolf. There is a group of men hunting them. Eight of them.How do you know theyre hunting the cats?Because two of them lit up their coats. If I hadnt been wearing the glasses Id be blind. Theyre wearing the sun jackets that Elijah warned us about.Well, fuck, said Makeda. Thats eight more we have to kill.At least, said Rolf. How much time before daylight?Two and a half hours, said Bella, checking her watch. Dont we have a sniper rifle on the ship?Somewhere, said Rolf.Well, they cant turn on a sun jacket if theyre dead before were within five hundred yards.Messy, said Makeda. Bullets leave bodies.Id rather have to dispose of a couple of b odies than get fried by a sun jacket, said Bella, taking charge now. Rolf, you and I will go after the cats. Take out as many as we can. Makeda, follow the hunters, keep your distance, see where they go, and meet us back at the ship. Tonight cats. Tomorrow night, humans.I hate cats, said Makeda.I know, said Bella.Theres something else, said Rolf. There was something else on the roof with the cats. Something bigger.What do you mean something? asked Makeda.I dont know, said Rolf, but it wasnt putting out any heat, so its one of us.